Well, aside from my nurse spilling apple juice all over me, it went without incident. My Dr appt after, however, was not the best. He said I’m getting progressively worse, that my next fusion will be doubled. Well I just got my blood test results back and I don’t think I’ll be on actemra any more, my liver enzymes have doubled.
I told him about my shoulder and asked for a shot, he wouldn’t give me one, I was beside myself, I have been in pain for 8 days with this, he told me to stretch it and see if that works. Needless to say I cried on the bus ride home, probably looking like a middle aged freak.
So what does all this mean? I don’t know, I didn’t really ask him, I’ll email him questions tonight since I seen the results after our appt. I’m not new to getting news that a medication isn’t working and I’m use to hearing it’s getting worse but progressively worse, I don’t like.
I knew when I was first diagnosed that I wouldn’t be a normal case or go into remission, my body just doesn’t do things like that. I’m positive about my treatments but deep down I always feel that they won’t work or that my liver will go wacky and I’ll have to stop not knowing if it would have worked.
So tonight, I’m in pain physically and emotionally, which is most days but I’ve been doing better.
Here’s to better days…
“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” -Maya Angelou