I wonder if I’m wasting my time with this “blog” seems more like a diary than anything else.  Nobody views it or reads it.  

I took Tucker for a walk today.  I was listening to my music I have on spotify and the song Hurt came on by Christina Agulara.  I started to cry, I hadn’t thought about my mom much lately but that song brings me straight back to her.  When she was sick, I just wanted to make her better so badly, even though I know deep down she wasn’t going to get better, but I was the person who took care of her, I was her medication giver, her feedtube fixer and turn offer. She would be supportive of me right now but I wouldn’t be the person I am now if she would have lived.  I wouldn’t have gone through the struggles, I wouldn’t have gone to the bottom and swam way to the surface if she was still here.  But I would give all that up for her to be here right now, we would go thrift store shopping tomorrow, go to lunch, maybe go to stillwater or redwing.  Shawn and Sally would be in my life, nothing would have changed, we’d probably BBQ on Sunday, Sally and Tucker would run around in the yard, mom, shawn and I would hang out and laugh as we always did.  But yeah, that’s only if……..


Author: Dawn Angelique

I'm 47 year old lesbian living in a body that doesn't like me. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibro, Diabetes, Bipolar, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Hypertension, HBP, High Cholesterol. and neurapothy. But through all of this, I'm finally learning to live, even if it's just for moments.

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