Been a while

I have been working on another blog, I typed so much that I my right wrist won’t bend much and my entire right hand hurts like hell, the left is swollen but not as painful, every time I type I get a shooting pain on the top of my hand, my forearm is swollen and painful, I think part of it might be the hitting of a wall like a month ago but most of it its the RA

I went to an open house/bday party for a friend of the family the end of July, I had my knee wrapped because it’s giving me so much pain, I should have just left it off and limped because I got tired of the blank stares when I told them I had Rheumatoid Arthritis, you see the last time I seen any of these people was when Sid died, my foot was flaring and very ugly but I didn’t know what it was yet, it was late May when he died, and we were all at the hospital, I remember how much pain I was in but said nothing because it wasn’t about me, but when I talked with my God Mothers sister Nancy at the party, she was saying that her daughter has arthritis problems, I just shook my head and said yeah it sucks.  I didn’t feel like getting into a debate about the different types.

I went off to smoke and this woman came with and asked what was wrong with it, I said probably a torn MCL, old injury or my RA, she said “doesn’t that affect your immune system”?  I said OMG thank you, yes it does. I was shocked and then she said, doesn’t the medication surpress your immune system as well?  I was like YES how do you know, she said I just know lol

It was nice not to have to explain.

Now, I put my wrist guard on that doesn’t help, took some pain pills that don’t help much and I’m watching the movie Bad Boys with Sean Penn, I haven’t seen it in a while.

My one and only RA friend is moving to CA in a couple of months, maybe 3-4 months.  I’m happy for her because she will hopefully feel better with the weather.  I’m going to miss her, even though we don’t see each other much, we talk mostly online or text.  But it’s nice when she wants to hang out for hashbrowns.  I don’t have any close friends any more, long story but they deserted me when my mom died.  So even though I’ll still have her online as a friend, it’s not the same.


Medication over load

I am a complete mess right now.  Sobbing on both buses on the way home and the walk I took Tucker on so that I could calm the fuck down.

I’m swollen like the puffy tire man.  My tooth is STILL infected, 2000 mg of Amox for a week.  

My liver enzyem’s are high, RA Doc wants it done again in a week, if the levels haven’t improved, I will have to do the liver flush again.  Trust me, it won’t be better, I’ve gone through this too many times to think it will be.

So, I’m on 2 antibiotics 1 for the tooth, the other for my kidney infection.

RA Doc, really really wants me on this steroid, I’m going to try it but I’m extremely hesitant because I’m bipolar and diabetic, I just got my BS under control.

Once my liver levels are good, he wants to try Rituximab. This is a longer acting medication (can last 6-18 months), that we usually hold onto for later use because after we give it, we don’t really want to add anything else for at least 3-4 months. It doesn’t tend to affect the liver at all. It is given as 2 infusions, 2 weeks apart. See website here: (I copied from his email)

Now this may sound weird, but I can’t handle any kind of stress, dosing out my meds for the week is a huge stress trigger for me, it’s dumb I know but it is what it is.

Right now I am on 12 medications and I have to start my short acting insulin again because of the steroids, I’m just not happy and add to that, I’m in pain and stiff.  I really need my mom right now.  I wish I could summon her spirit.

And then there’s pain

Wow, this kinda came out of no where, I have been feeling crappy from an allergy attack on Saturday but last night I slept like shit, I was having trouble breathing….I woke up quite a bit during the night, when I woke this morning I was already really stiff, hands swollen, as the day progressed, the swelling started on my feet and my ankles, by the time I got to my dr appt, I was so out of it, my feet look like clubs, my knees, both hurting, the left hurting in different ways, my shins, my elbows, when the lady was checking for a vein in fucking hurt by my elbow joint, what is up with that!


So yeah my body hurts so bad right now I can barely stand it, FUCK this shit, really.

Long day

It’s been a while since I’ve posted.  

I’ve had a couple of long days in a row and I am paying for it.

Friday, I went grocery shopping, bought a new phone.  Doesn’t seem like much but Grocery shopping entails, walking with the car, reaching up, down or sideways to get an item, place it in the cart and repeat a ton of times, then the cart gets harder to manouvor towards the end and then I always forget something at the end and have to go to the very end of the store to achieve it, what was it?  My glucose tablets and Melatonin.  Then you get to take everything you just put in the cart out and onto the counter thingy.  Then I get take all of the bags, because I spent $200, into the car, then I get to take all of the bags out of the car onto the counter and then, wow, I get to take everything out of the bags and put each item away.  I pretty much just chilled out the remainder of the day.  I tried to get to bed early but a friend was in need, so I talked to her on the phone for quite a while, I think it was like 2 am when I got off the phone with her.

So I wake up at 8 am because we were going to go breakfast and make a plan for her, she backed out. 

So my roommate said I could use his truck again today to get my hair cut.  He gave me some money to go to petco (forgot I went to petco yesterday too).  So I went to petco, as soon as I walked in (this was a different petco) my nose started to itch, my throat scratchy and sneezing occurred.  I wasn’t sure what was up, I got the dog food, there it was, a thing full of very cute rabbits, which I am extremely allergic to.  I high tailed it out of there, feeling not well, itchy and not breathing like I should but I went and got my hair cut, then went to Trade Joes to buy wine for my friends open house and birthday plus some more food.  Finally I got home, put away the food, took benedryl and used my inhaler.  I haven’t been feeling well RA wise at all.  I went to the open house/bday party and I’m so glad I did, I had fun, I loved seeing everyone, hated answering, so what are you up to questions.

When I got home, I swear I was beaten up, my body hurt, I felt so sick.  I think it was a combination of 2 days, that my body isn’t use to, nor did it like AT ALL.  As I’m sitting here, my feet/ankles/toes, knees, hips, fhands, fingers, wrists, shoulders and neck hurt so bad, I don’t want to take my pain pills because I’m sick and tired of being dazed and confused.  But I will be taking them when I finish this post.

I realized though, I haven’t felt this lonely in a long time. whatever