yes, huh? I took some pain meds and that is how I feel right now, however, I am still in pain but I don’t care much about it until I get up or until I type, like now.  On tv is keeping with the kardashians, I’m about ready to fly to southern California and telling all of them what is up.  The only one that has any sense in that family is Kloe.

I’m sitting here my eyes closed, typing feeling the heat on my feet from whatever it is inside my body that is acting up.  I’m bored and I’m lonely.  This disease really makes you a loner.  I’ve always been sort of a loner but this is to the top of being a loner.  I want someone in my life, I want to feel loved and cared about.  I haven’t felt that since my mom told me she loved me last, June 16, 2006.  and on that note, it’s a short post, good night.


RA and Relationships/Friendships

Basically for me nobody in my life could give 2 shits about my RA and how I suffer every day, what my day is like.  I have diabetes as well and I have bipolar.

I was at my primary dr’s today and she had a follower and she was trying to explain me to her and she said, dawn just has one thing after the other come up and it’s always complex and not easy to diagnos and I thought hey, now that woman gets me, I’ve been seeing her for about 3 years now and if I didn’t have her I would be so lost.  She is probably the best relationship I have in my life, sad to say but it’s true, other than Tucker.

It’s really hard to have friends or keep friends because either you’re in pain or you’re sick and on a day when you’re feeling “ok” to do something, nobody is around.

I did meet someone who has RA, I met her from a group on FB, we met at a place by my house a few months ago, she’s super sweet, awesome person.  Then we talked a bit here and there on FB, then we went out a few weeks ago to a gay bar, I’m lesbian(don’t be scared) she’s bisexual(don’t be scared) that was a lot of fun, I decided not to drink so she could and she had a great time with her friend that she brought.

I recently had a pretty bad kidney infection and she urged me enough to come and get me and bring me to the ER.  Such a kind soul.

The Beginning

I was diagnosed with RA early summer of 2013.  I had a bad flare on my left hand that put me in the hospital because they had no clue what it was, they almost did surgery on it!  A week after the hospital I started feeling this stabbing pain in my right foot, I looked one day and it was swollen, red, yellow and hurt like hell.  I made an appt with primary and she was like WOW, look at that foot and I’m like yeah what is wrong with me!!  So she put me on 40 mg’s of prednisone and referred me right away to a Rheumatologist. After 22 tests it was confirmed that I indeed had moderate to severe RA.  I went through 3 oral medications that did nothing but make me sick and hurt my liver.  I have been on 3 biologics as injections, nothing has worked.  I go in on the 17th for my first infusion of Actemra.  I hope it works.  I’m in some pain as I write this now, my hands, wrists, palms, elbows and feet knees and toes knees and toes! ha j/k you see you HAVE to have a sense of humor if you have this disease because not only does it affect your joints, it kills your immune system and then every single damn drug that can take kills it as well, so you’re always sick and nobody understands you, unless of course you happen to find a friend that has it as well.  Sometimes even then it’s hard.  My family doesn’t care about what I go through, if my mom were here I know she would be there for me.  She died of Pancreatic Cancer 7 years ago June 18 2007.  The thing that keeps me going  is my dog Tucker, he is my salvation, the only one who will never be mad at me or disappointed.  He always greets me a happy face and a wagging tail.


Below are pictures of my very first flares oh how I miss those day! ha, not.ImageImageImage